


I'm Staying In Tonight (I Won't Stop You From Leaving)

by spocksbrowneyes



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent Sarek (Star Trek), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Spock (Star Trek), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Am So Sorry., I'm just projecting onto Spock., Insecure Spock (Star Trek), Lonely Spock (Star Trek), M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Protective James T. Kirk, Sad Spock (Star Trek), Sarek's A+ Parenting, So Spock, Spock is a Mess (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spocksbrowneyes/pseuds/spocksbrowneyes
Summary: Again, Spock was not stupid. He knew what he was. A disappointment. A creature without a place in any species. An it more than a they. He knew it good, and he knew it well. Like the back of his inhumanly pale hand.Inspired by the song Appointments by Julien Baker.>>CURRENTLY ON HIATUS<<
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Past Amanda Grayson/Sarek
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	I'm Staying In Tonight (I Won't Stop You From Leaving)

Spock was not stupid. He was capable of understanding a great many things; whether he wanted to or not. He figured it was his Vulcan upbringing that made him so compelled to see the truth, even if it hurt. So he knew this. He always had. Since he was old enough to understand much of anything, he had understood this. He knew that even with Michael, who had committed mutiny, and Sybok, who had abandoned all logic; he knew he disappointed Sarek more than anyone. For he was half human and half Vulcan. An ungodly, and quite frankly disgusting cross between two species, so revolting that all other hybrids like him had never even had the opportunity to breathe. No matter how hard he tried to control his emotions, his eyes, the same color as his mother’s, always betrayed him. No matter how much he tried to suppress the pain, the migraines caused by his telepathic abilities and human genetics clashing always left him drained. No matter how indifferent he tried to be, he somehow always found himself sobbing on the floor because of the people who had snuck past his walls.

The silkiness of his hair was distinctly his mother’s, for a Vulcan’s was much thicker. The barely noticeable flecks of freckles on his cheeks were foreign all while existing on their own turf. His noticeably shorter and thinner frame constantly reminded him of how easily the full-blooded Vulcans he’d grown up around had been able to kick him down. And the war between logic and emotion in his head took the figurative side of that attack.

Yet he was not only despised by Vulcans, he did not belong in his human heritage either. For the temperature was always much too cold for his comfort level, and his apathy was not accepted. The countless medications he was allergic to made him notoriously difficult to treat should he fall ill or become injured. He wasn’t going to even start on how many people he had offended due to his averseness to customary welcomes and farewells, like shaking hands and hugging.

Again, Spock was not stupid. He knew what he was. A disappointment. A creature without a place in any species. An it more than a they. He knew it good, and he knew it well. Like the back of his inhumanly pale hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Me @ me, after writing Tortured Soul: Maybe you shouldn't do another multi-chapter fic so soon. You always get stressed about it.
> 
> Also me, literally 5 minutes later: DO IT AGAIN, DO IT AGAIN FOR THE BOYS IN THE BACK
> 
> Ta-da. I am in fact still alive. Hello, I am sorry I haven't posted. I have no idea where this is going or how long it's going to be so if you have something you want to see, leave it in the comments or on my Tumblr (spocksbrowneyes) and I'll consider it. Thank you for reading, and I'll see you next chapter.


End file.
